I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I smell like Dick and happiness
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