I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
