i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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