just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
