I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
