i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
