your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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