Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
