I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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