He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
