Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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