I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
