I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
