omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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