i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
