plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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