sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
