My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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