Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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