Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
