I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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