You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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