Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
