I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
