The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
