What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
