i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
