I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
