Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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