Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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