I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
