Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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