something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
