Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
