YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
no, he came in my armpit
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
