Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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