I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
