Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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