come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
