He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
