I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The power of my boobs compel you
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
