Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
