i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
