So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
