Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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