I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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