Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
