in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
