I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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