Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
