Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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