Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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