I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
