So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The struggles of a small town man whore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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