wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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