butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
