I think I won the penis lottery.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
