im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
