Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
