you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
