I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
