between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
