ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
