"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
