i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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