First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
