ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
