I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
