so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
