Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
