Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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