I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
