I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
