Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
