no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
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i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
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I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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