I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
